Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
