wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize