I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
