I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
