theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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