I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
