There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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