I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
