can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
