So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
