beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
