I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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