On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
