He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Operation Purity has been aborted
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
