just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
