What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
