im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
