i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
