I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
