how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
