This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
