That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
