You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
