Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
