Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We won't sleep together?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
