I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize