idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
