Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
