hell yes lets make some ravioli
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
