So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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