good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize