she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
