Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
