gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
