he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you win again, gameday.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
