you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need water and some morals
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
