i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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