he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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