Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
