We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
