i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
