dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
