did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
