May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
