It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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