i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
