apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
