Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize