my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
