I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
