just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize