I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
In America we eat man semen.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
