well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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