Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
