there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
