apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
