They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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