im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
pop tarts are not kleenex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
