I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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