I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I die, sorry about rent.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize