Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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