my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He better not be in your backpack
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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