How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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