I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
